The Desire to be All In

Every July, memories pop up from the Colorado Leadership Retreat, a 10 day Catholic retreat in the mountains that I participated in three times.  And throughout the month, I spend extra time thinking about and reflecting on those experiences and thanking God.  The Colorado Leadership Retreats had a huge impact on my faith.  It was on my first CLR when I was 15 that I realized that my Catholic faith could not just be a part of my life, but rather was something that needed to be a way of life, a lifestyle.  And it was at that time that I recognized my faith not just as something that was my parents’ or other adults in my life, but as something that was truly my own because I wanted it to be.  I decided I wanted to commit, to be all in.  I think at some point, most of us can look at our lives up to this point and recognize a specific experience, moment, encounter, or period of time where we wanted to commit and be all in for Christ.

What does it mean to be all in for Christ?  I think we can get an idea by looking at today’s (Monday 7/15) gospel.  In Matthew 10:38-39 Jesus says, “whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”  To be all in is to be willing to give up our comfort, our desire to be liked, our desire to fit in with the world.  It is to embrace the sufferings that will accompany us on the journey and to carry the crosses as we strive to walk with Jesus.  It is to acknowledge that our lives need to look different because of our Catholic faith and our relationship with Jesus.  We must be willing to lose our lives by recognizing that our lives are not our own, and only then, will we find full, meaningful lives in Christ.

What Jesus calls us to is hard.  It would be much easier to follow the way of the world.  But if we are committed to Him, we will keep making the effort to be all in.  Back on my first CLR, I became excited about my faith and wanted to live it out.  By no means did I master my faith, know everything there was to know, or perfect what it looks like to live it out from that point forward.  I am far, far from that and fail more times than not.  But that experience in high school when I wanted to be all in is when my heart was opened and changed.  These experiences that we have are when our faith becomes no longer just an obligation but a desire.
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Reflect back on your faith journey up to this point.  Thank Jesus for where you were and where He has led you to in this moment.  Think about when you opened up your heart and recognized that you wanted to live for Jesus and make your Catholic faith a way of life.  When did you decide that you wanted to commit and be all in?  I would love to hear about your own experiences of when you had a desire to be all in- when it was, where it was, who was involved, what it looked like, so feel free to share!  My prayer today is that Jesus would help each one of us to continue our desire to live for Him, fully commit and be all in!